Officials Warn of Possible Water Contamination as More Federal Officials Display Worrying Signsby Washington Truthly
Washington Porst Staff Writer
Tuesday, April 24th, 2007; 14:50 pmFor the past 4 years, the FBI has been investigating a phenomenon occurring in the Washington, DC area that has police and local area leaders both perplexed and concerned. Lower level staff workers and janitorial staff at the Department of Justice; Department of Defense; Department of the Interior; the Congress; and the White House have been questioned about possible intruders who have tampered with any and all water filtration systems. This investigation has been begun, according to an anonymous top-level official in the Justice Department because of suspicions of nerve attacks on high-level officials. The investigation has recently picked up steam as more and more anecdotal evidence of brain damage to government officials has surfaced.
A top official in the FBI's Special Bureau of Mental Disablement (this brand is copyrighted by TrackStar, a subsidiary of Halliburton) has quoted that the FBI has been tasked by the Bush administration to quickly assess if high-level officials in the current Administration have been the targets of a mind-altering chemical attack. The official went on to list several cases that have piqued the interest of the newly created bureau. The recent hearing of Lurita Doan on Capitol Hill displayed a stunning display of memory loss. Mrs. Doan complained of not, "being able to recollect," so many things, the Committee Chairman made sure that she had not been horribly beaten in some bizarre accident before continuing with the interview.
The trial of Scooter Libby also provoked much curiosity from the Bureau officials as, "Libby's lawyers hinted in court filings last week that memory loss will be "central themes" of Libby's defense. Libby's lawyers write: "...any misstatements he made during his FBI interviews or grand jury testimony were not intentional, but rather the result of confusion, mistake or faulty memory." Interviews with George W. Bush and Dick Cheney were planned to discuss their own memory loss of the original intentions for going into Iraq, and their lack of ability to remember talking about there definitely being Weapons of Mass Distraction, but they had to cancel, according to the Press Secretary, " the President and Vice President must apologize, but they forgot that they left their homework at school, and have to drive back and get it, and won't be able to make the interview,"
The recent interviews of Tom Delay, Duke Cunningham, and the spectacular appearance on Capitol Hill of Alberto Gonzalez also have Federal investigators worried that the nerve agent may be spreading. Gilipollas Mentirosa, a spokeswoman for Mr. Gonzalez said her office was extremely worried about his condition, as his memory has deteriorated to the point, "that all he is able to dues, is sit at his desk, delete emails, and shred documents, it's a crying shame."
The only clue investigators can agree upon, is that the only thing these people have in common, is that they all drink the same water from Washington, D.C. The federal investigators are moving quickly to take samples of all public water fountains and test them for nerve agents. Federal investigators have warned that though they are moving fast on this issue, there is no solution to what the possible fallout could be if the water is found to be contaminated.
The Attorney General is personally overseeing this project from eight miles away in a secluded room with no phones and he's not wearing glasses so he can't see well, but he is sure that he will be in charge. He has decided to fire the local Federal Attorney and replace him with someone better suited to fight for his cause, of stopping the memory loss, his wife. He believes that she is always able to jog his memory when he forgets things, and he knows there will be consequences if he forgets the important thing. For this reason, he is sure she will get to the bottom of this wide-spread memory loss. Federal officials are sadly reporting that they think Karl Rove was the next victim of the terrorists' nerve gas attack, as he is showing consistent signs of early-stage rapid memory loss. In Washington, Washington Truthly reporting.
/snark