All of us adjust, in our own way, in our own time.  There is no "closure" (I'd like to ban that word).  I worry that those most directly affected (surviving family members, close friends, survivors, some of the rescue workers) will be separated from the campus this summer, when the reality of this tragedy starts to sink in. 

Time erases some wounds.

I grieve for the parents and siblings now, because I've seen what early death to a child can do.

I almost posted a "light" piece yesterday and pulled it after about ten seconds.  I don't know when I'll repost it.

Instead of focusing on loss, I'm planning to try to see what good came come out of this horrific event.  And it does not have to be directly related, e.g., gun control. 

Here's a start on a gun control issue, though.  Jim Webb might be a natural ally of this bill broadly described below, I would think.  (We really lack details on what Dingell is considering.)  He's sane, and pro-gun rights.  He might ally himself with John Dingell on this one:

http://www.washingto...

With the Virginia Tech shootings resurrecting calls for tighter gun controls, the National Rifle Association has begun negotiations with senior Democrats over legislation to bolster the national background-check system and potentially block gun purchases by the mentally ill.

Rep. John D. Dingell (Mich.), a gun-rights Democrat who once served on the NRA's board of directors, is leading talks with the powerful gun lobby in hopes of producing a deal by early next week, Democratic aides and lawmakers said.

Under the bill, states would be given money to help them supply the federal government with information on mental-illness adjudications and other run-ins with the law that are supposed to disqualify individuals from firearms purchases. For the first time, states would face penalties for not keeping the National Instant Criminal Background Check System current.

The legislation, drafted several years ago by Rep. Carolyn McCarthy (D-N.Y.), has twice passed the House, only to die in the Senate. But Cho Seung Hui's rampage Monday has given it new life.

But would there be some kind of national mental illness registry?  Whew.  That might be too much to swallow.  Who got placed on such a registry would have to be carefully and tightly defined.  The last thing we'd want is a broad registry that ended up inhibiting people form seeking mental treatment.  I hope the people in Congress will weigh this possibility.  I would assume the "mental illness" tag would have to rise to the level of something that had been put under the scrutiny of a court.

Although I think voting for George Bush a second time .... never mind.

And it will be normal to respectfully discuss what happened and why.

By respectful, I mean in the context of not using the people that were killed as fodder for your pet political action.  Anyone that makes "gun control" the sole solution to this thing will gain my eternal enmity because you will betray the dead for your own conceit.

What has happened will require a complex community-based address and the Virginia Tech community is a strong community. So it is good fortune that a committed community will lead the change to a new "normal".  That normal will lead to better communities for everyone, so all citizens should participate.

Virginia Tech got thrown to the ground hard and we are still struggling to our feet.  We need time to stand up, finish the semester, graduate, and analyze the evidence of this thing. We will bury our dead, and honor their memory. Then we will be ready to "Invent the Future".  I guess the question is will America want to buy that invention? I have confidence in the resilience of Virginia Tech, I have less confidence in the ability of America to change.

Very well said, Lowell.  Impressive piece, and the decorum here on RK remained mature and is to be commended.  Unfortunately, I cannot say the same for the rest of the Virginia blogosphere, and for one, I am glad that my VA blogging career started here on RK.

...and I hope your blogging career CONTINUES here at RK! :)

So many people are deeply affected by this tragedy in a secondary way. After the service for my brother on Friday there was sure a lot of beer that's for sure. Maybe that's where "crying in your beer" comes from. That evening I went down to Lynchburg for a memorial service for all of those whose lives were cut short at Virginia Tech. Somehow that was sort of a normalizing activity for me - to respond to these terrible events that were not quite so personal in a communal and appropriate way. 

Only speaking for myself to say that it is very helpful to engage in some normal activities and I am looking forward to going back to work tomorrow.

Last night at our event for Bernie McGinnis those who died were honored as well in prayer, in the colors of the decorations, in the words of the speakers and in an incredible moment of silence. This was sort of a political event only because Bernie has lived such an involved political life. 

Still this event was about genuine caring all around. We cry and laugh at the same time while this terrible thing becomes part of the fabric of our lives and history as we move forward. 

Moving forward. That's all we can try to do in our own time and our own way. If we see someone having a hard time, we can try to extend a hand to them. And if we are having a hard time ourselves, we can try to accept the hands reaching out to us.

I know a young man who experienced a sudden death in his family years ago. After the funeral he bought numchucks and over the next few months he became quite good with them.  That repetitive motion gave him some measure of comfort. It's hard to say what's right for another person but we can only find out what's right for us and use our judgment.

Deeds was here in Nelson last night and that diatribe on NLS is politics at its trashiest - attacking someone for failing to renege on a commitment is grasping at straws.

No one is celebrating in Virginia right now. No one.

I worry that, with practice, we're getting too good at this sort of thing.  Each time a shock like this happens, we take one more step toward developing a protocol and a norm for handling these sorts of things.  We get farther and farther from the hope that this will never, ever happen again.  I still hold to that hope, but far more tenuously than this time last week.

Sometimes slowly. Can find the greatest comfort knowing that despite tragedy we can look outside and see the Dogwoods blooming, the tree foliage returning, the song birds returning for Spring nesting. Nature's life cycle can offer a grounding from the chaos. 

Your post strikes me deeply, Lowell.  I know that I am not ready for things to go back to normal.  I haven't even been able to get to Blacksburg to visit with my friends (though I am hoping to do so this Friday and Saturday).  How could I hope to bring things back to normal yet?  Just reading about politics right now bores me. It seems utterly meaningless to me still.  Unless I can be with my friends, see them face to face, see the campus that I love and that was home for so many years, how can I ever be 'normal' again?

Virginia Tech will be starting classes again tomorrow.  I just spoke with a friend of mind who is busy doing homework.  We joked a bit about how he'll miss homework later in life.  But are we just hiding our pain?  Have we truly reached the point where we can make light of such things?

For those who did not go to Virginia Tech, the pain will pass far more quickly.  For those of us who are Hokies, for those of us who had the blood spill on our campus, it will take a bit longer.  Nothing will ever be as it was before.  But time heals all wounds, and it will heal this one.

I can assure you, there will be memorials at VT on 4/16/08, and many for whom the pain is still real.

And if I have my way, I will be there to cry with my fellow Hokies.

Ut Prosim - Virginia Tech motto

Matusleo

Take as long as you need to grieve.  But normal will come.  A new normal.  The people who died will never be forgotten.  They never should be forgotten.  And those who love them will always grieve for them. 

But it's also true that with time, they will remember the happier times, the funny little anecdotes about their loved one.  There really is a healing process.

And I think it is right to talk about things that might be prevent another tragedy.  I am very hopeful that the NRA is willing to look at possible ways to prevent the mentally ill from aquiring guns.  If we can come together on this, it's a way of honoring the memories of those who were so tragically taken from us.

It's also ok to slowly begin to get back into the things that were normal to us including our passionate arguments about politics.  But maybe this will help us to be sensitive to those we disagree with.  We can respect them as people even while disagreeing on policy.

Finally, if don't begin to do normal things, if we stay rooted only in tragedy and refuse to heal, we give in to despair and that really doesn't honor the memory of the fallen at VT.  To heal is to say no to evil.

But take all the time you need to do the healing.

Thanks, Lowell; excellent piece, good question.

On Saturday I rode my motorcycle from Salem up to Blacksburg, traveling a mixture of routes I-81 and 11/460 and some of the back roads to get there and back home.  Regardless of the routes taken, it's a beautiful area of Virginia, and Saturday's bright and sunny weather was absolutely perfect.

Everywhere I went - on major highways, past shopping centers and strip malls, in rural and surburban areas - there were signs and notices posted - hundreds of signs - and they ranged from inexpensive, home-made ones to large, lighted, revolving message marquees.  They all expressed grief over the Virginia Tech tragedy and offered words of support for its students and faculty.

When I arrived in Blacksburg in the mid-afternoon, I first stopped in at one of my favorite restaurants in the downtown area for a late lunch, and the atmosphere was friendly and hospitable.  As I set outside on a balcony overlooking Main Street watching people and cars pass by, I realized that, unless I knew something terrible had just happened a few blocks away on the Virginia Tech campus, there would be no other way to determine that fact from these activities.  Everything looked "normal", except for the signs.

After lunch, I rode over to the Tech campus, parked my motorcycle along the drill field, took a deep breath and walked up to Norris Hall where 32 people died on Monday and which was surrounded with yellow police tape. Then I  headed back across the drillfield toward West Ambler-Johnston Hall where the first two victims met their fate.  More deep breaths.

Around Norris Hall, people talked in whispers, quietly took photographs and sat on walls and gazed in various directions.  On the entrance doors of some of the academic and administrative buildings, there were signs posted - asking the news media to respect the privacy of those who were grieving or requesting, reminding the public to observe the need for quiet and the like - in those areas.

On the drillfield there were thousands of people walking and running and talking and laughing, throwing footballs and Frisbees, enjoying picnic lunches and lying on blankets in the sun and sitting on lawn chairs in the shade.  The recorded music of various artists played over large loudspeakers, and everything looked absolutely "normal" there. 

Interspersed thoughout all these "normal" activities, from one end of the drillfield to the other, there were signs and memorials to the fallen, places for those - who wished to do so - to sign their names or write words of condolence or remembrance.  In these areas, there was very little laughing or talking, but there was some crying and shaking of heads and other expressions of bewilderment and sadness. 

I could bring myself to sign nothing, write nothing. 

In a few weeks, the temporary signs will disappear, and  there will be appropriate, permanent memorials and monuments, dedications and remembrances in their places.  Eventually, these events and structures, as well as our memories, will fade.  Our generation will pass, and future generations will not have these specific memories, and they will not fully understand those that we now have, but they will have their own tragedies and triumphs with which to reckon or celebrate.

In the face of so much recent pain and suffering, so much anger and senseless destruction, life was already returning to "normal" on the Virginia Tech campus.

Every day in the world, the definition of "normal" changes.  Every day brings about a "new normal", and life goes on.

I, we, they have been changed forever.  My heart breaks for all those who have been directly or indirectly impacted by this tragedy, but there is no going back, only moving forward.

After about an hour, I left the Tech campus, feeling better than when I had arrived there.  As an eternal optimist, I sincerely believe that things will get better.

Regardless; life goes on.  Welcome to the new "normal", but don't get too used to it.  It will be different again tomorrow, and the next day...

Thanks.

Steve

Thanks very much for sharing your thoughts with RK on this...