*"These folks needs our prayers and good thoughts as much as anyone."
*"...they must feel so alone and frightened.  My heart goes out to them.  For the most part, they grieve in silence, but are able to be so eloquent in the hell they must be experiencing."
*"In addition to the crushing grief that any family feels when one of it's children dies young - and I know this grief well having lost my youngest brother when he was 16 - this family has to deal with the huge guilt that somehow they should have been able to know what he was going to do and to have stopped it. I cannot imagine what pain they must be in. They are certainly in my prayers."

I think this line of questioning is deeply unfair.

We know very little of the circumstances of Cho's upbringing. Many families are afflicted with children whose behavior mystifies and challenges them. It may be our [upper class, educated] imperative to "seek help" when children in any way get out of hand, but this is not necessarily an imperative widely shared among all Americans, much less among other cultures.

Consider that Cho's parents were strangers in a strange land. We do not know anything of their cultural norms, and they my have not been entirely comfortable with ours. Let's just suppose that in their culture, as in so many, "family problems" are kept within the family, not to be exposed to the outside world -- even assuming that they saw Cho's personality as a problem.

Let the lesson fall upon those kids who teased and bullied him, not upon his parents, who are as much victims of his despicable act as the parents of the students he murdered and the dead students themselves.

This was at the bottom of the last thread on the tragedy, so I'm putting the link to a UK story here in case anyone missed it.  It's from an interview with Cho's Korean relatives.  They said he had mental problems early on, and autism.  It is a sad tale.

Even his own Grandmother questioned his stability in the interview I read from her.

I am truly sorry for the family and can only guess at how bad it must be for them. But, I just can't hold them completely blameless for not being a little better at parenting or at least setting an example and then trying (as immensely difficult as this is)to keep him on the right path to adult-hood. Parents need a means of helping the difficult child.  I was sooo lucky to have had amazing teachers and professors guiding my kids besides our family. When he was "Bullied" there should have been some observation and guidance....

When my own son was just 14, the captain of his middle-school football team pinned him against the wall at school one day and held him by the throat.... The football player called him a "Geek and a Nerd" because he played so much with computers and computer-gaming.... My son made us proud when he responded to the other kid by saying, "I may be a nerd, But some day I will be signing your pay-check".

I have traveled world-wide extensively for my career and I have lived with and seen ethnic and cultural reasons that don't fit our social environment here in the USA. I can understand that some "foreign" family values don't meld well with our more open and "gun available" society and laws, BUT, that doesn't release anyone from the responsibilities of watching over even a young adult man in his early twenties. Many families have used the military to help this transition to adult-hood, but when those kinds of structures aren't possible or practical especially for a foreign national, there has to be at least a little more scrutiny by the parents and family.

I know some of these words are my bitterness and pain from having lost some kids I have known personally on this past Monday. But, this is also where our religions have all taught us we have to "Forgive and accept", even when it isn't easy...... especially then......

For instance, in North Carolina we have been dealing with an effort by our Democratic (!!) Governor and his administration to cut funding for Mental Health care system.  How many situations like this could we be creating by refusing to take care of each other?

Simple compassion and empathy is missing within our society.  Bringing it back wont prevent situations like this, but I pray that it would be sufficient to stop most of them.  And, to paraphrase an old jewish proverb, if we are able to save one life then we will have saved the world.

I think there's going to be a lot more of this story coming out, God help the family. But perhaps it's a good thing if it all comes out? Too late for them, of course, but perhaps it will serve as a warning to other parents, teachers, etc?

This is just speculation, but I'm thinking his parents were in serious denial. I saw the interview with his suitemates, they said he didn't even go home for vacation. I wonder if they had more or less given up on him--they had the perfect daughter, they were hard-working, busy people, he was far away and he was so dammed quiet...

I also wonder if the fact that he was Asian was one of the reasons people weren't more concerned when he was underaged and in the publich school system?  Yes, they thought he might be a danger to himself, but never to others? I have to admit that I was stunned to find out he was Korean. I'm ashamed to say I assumed he'd be the sterotypical angry white guy. You know, like young Mr. Kennedy, the other graduate from Westfield High.

America, land of opportunity. Everybody can grow up to be a mass murderer.

Cho bought the pistol with a credit card for $267 on Feb. 2 and picked it up one week later, as CBS News previously reported, at JND Pawnbrokers, near the Virginia Tech campus in Blacksburg, Va.

and the other gun...

More than a month after securing the first gun, Cho bought his 9-mm Glock semi-automatic pistol in person at Roanoke Firearms, paying $571 with a credit card. Virginia state law limits handgun purchases to one every 30 days.

People keep thinking this guy was just a "kid".  He was 23 years old!  I had a credit card LONG before I turned 23.

By the way, I heard the great aunt's remarks.  I'm not sure of this but from what I've heard, in Asian communities loss of face is still a major issue.  It sounds to me like she might be attempting to save face by leading the criticsm of Cho - almost like one who "doth protest too much."  She said some really unkind things that may be self-serving to keep from being ostracized in her own country. And I have sympathy that she might feel she has to do this. I'm not about to criticize anybody involved in this now.

And I feel for Cho's immediate family.  As for the question, I'm not sure how much they knew.

If Cho had a psychotic break, which occurs most frequently in the young adult years, they might not have known the extent of his problems.  He spent more time in school than at home and he wasn't very communicative.

His actions were not the actions of somebody merely disturbed who is going to grow out of it.  For all we know, he might (probably) had a serious pyschotic break that needed medication, therapy, and follow up. What he had probably was caused as much by bio-chemical imbalances in the brain as anything else.

When I was in school, I had a friend whose brother had such a break in his personality.  His parents were educated and upper middle class and the incident was a shock to them.  Fortunately, he was never violent or a danger to others.  But he had to be hospitalized, given medication and received years of treatment.  But the main point is it was a shock to his family.

So, I can't blame Cho's parents.  They too were victims of this, unless tangible evidence proves otherwise.

The incredible support from all over America, and the world, sustains us.  And yet, there are those who'd tear us down even as I write this.

The blame-game lives.  And, unfortunately, it scars thousands of people who do not deserve it. That includes Cho's parents.  To the blamers, I say leave them alone.

Bush Appoints Panel to Review Va. Tech Shootings

By Bill Brubaker
Washington Post Staff Writer
Friday, April 20, 2007; 3:24 PM

President Bush has directed three cabinet secretaries to huddle with educators, mental health experts and government officials across the nation to recommend ways to avoid a repeat of Monday's shooting rampage at Virginia Tech.

The review -- to be headed by Health and Human Services Secretary Mike Leavitt, Attorney General Alberto R. Gonzales and Education Secretary Margaret Spellings -- comes as educational institutions debate how to deal with early warning signs that a student may be dangerous to himself and others.

Everything Bush does turns into a disaster.  Gonzales?  and Spellings?  Why doesn't he just leave the situation alone.  Kaine will do a good job.

Bush will recommend daily prayer to prevent future tragedies.  Spellings will blame public education and tour religious schools.  Gonzales will mumble incoherently.

Bush needs to get himself to a shrink.

I agree that the family should be left alone.

I don't say this isn't a good thing, just that it was unhelpful and rather offensive, when you think about it. I'm sure that mother was thinking, "D'uh! I never thought of THAT!"