I have on more than one occasion heard friends of my son (early teens)say "that's gay" or "you're so gay", meaning something or someone is stupid.  From what I can tell these comments are not necessarily intended to cast aspersions on someone's sexual preference...it's just done as a generic insult.  This started way back in maybe fourth grade.

I encourage all parents to respond to these remarks the way I have.  I tell anyone I hear making such remarks that I do not allow them to be make in my presence.  I tell them that not only is it inappropriate to demean another person with an insult that might or might not imply they are gay which is a private matter.  I add that since many people are gay and it's not a bad thing to be gay, it is also rude to gay people to use the word "gay" as a bad word.

I don't hear ever it from my son's regular friends now.  Either they heard my response years ago and refrain from saying it in my presence or the brats who took offense to my response have peeled off from my son's group of friends.  He still has plenty of friends.  Nice kids.  But every once in a while I hear it from someone who doesn't know it offends me.

I wish parents could band together to delete this phrase from current vernacular.

Fortunately, at least in our neighborhood, lots of parents are teaching tolerance to their kids.  I hope this spreads.

I read a great comment the other day, aimed at prejudiced people:  "Do you think God made everyone identical to you?"

All three of my kids are guilty, even though they are very accepting of gays, have plenty of gay and lesbian friends and acquaintances, and are in favor of gay rights.  When I've confronted them about it they've always responded that "it's just an expression."  They finally stopped using it around me because it was always result in an earnest mommy lecture about words and their effects, but this expression is rampant among the young.

The safe school initiatives, do they work?  I would suspect that victims of such bullying are not likely to report the abuse.  And then I would suspect that you have to rely on administrators and teachers who may allow their own prejudices to affect their implementation of the program. 

Separately, do the initiatives apply to all forms of harassment regardless of its target?

Hi tx2vadem,

A recent systematic review of school-based interventions to prevent bullying demonstrates that many school-based programs directly reduce bullying. The citation for this review is:

Rachel C. Vreenan, MD; Aaron E. Carroll, MD, MS. A systematic review of school-based interventions to prevent bullying. Arch Pediatr Adolesc Med. 2007;161:78-88

How is Virginia doing in this department? For more information about Safe Schools initiatives for Lesbians and Gays check out:
www.pflag.org/From_Our_House_to_the_Schoolhouse.schools.0.html

Sincerely,
Dr. Elise Berlan

That was very helpful!  Based on the study results you reference, it would seem the best approach would be a combination of a whole-school program, mentoring of bullied children, and increased availability of social workers at schools.

Dr. Berlan is the main author on the study that I cited.  (Politicians rarely excite me.  Scientists do.)

Dr. Berlan:

If you revisit, could you answer this question: are gay kids more likely to attempt suicide than straight kids?  I started looking at this issue the other say, and on one of the religion-oriented sites someone made the argument that the studies out there don't really support the notion that gay kids are victimized in this way.

And what causes anti-gay bullying?  Have the "bullies" been interviewed?  Are they from any particular group?

Thanks.

Hi PM,
Yes, there is good evidence from large studies that LGB youth are much more likely to have suicidal thoughts and depression. I would be happy to post some good  references tomorrow if you would like. There is also good evidence that these kids are more likely to be victimized by lots of different kids of violence, and there is a strong link between the violence and the suicidal thinking.

We don't know yet exactly what causes anti-gay bullying, but it is clear that LGB kids are marginalized in many ways by mainstream society and stigma. Our current research, unfortunately, didn't allow us to understand the form or content of the bullying.

Certainly a good next step would be to get some more information about why and how these kids (and all bully victims) are mistreated.

Sincerely,
Dr. Elise Berlan MD, FAAP
Division of Adolescent Medicine
Children's Hospital Boston

More than a few state officials read this blog, and some of the frequent readers (and contributors) work for candidates and/or elected officials.  Having this info would be useful in the future.  There is an active anti-gay lobby in the state that needs to be countered.

tx2vadem wrote:
it would seem the best approach would be a combination of a whole-school program, mentoring of bullied children, and increased availability of social workers at schools.

I think any effective approach must involve parental education and involvement in teaching children that bullying anyone for any reason is not acceptable.  As long as kids here it's o.k. to taunt and belittle gays at home, the problem will never completely go away although support a school will help.

For example, smaller kids tend to get picked on, and sometimes kids with handicaps or just physical differences