Engage, don't enrage

Comedian Bill Maher frequently displays how to effectively debate conservatives, putting his guests at ease, before putting them on the spot.  Last Friday evening, Maher discussed judicial activism and the message of Justice Sunday with conservative Christian author and advocate, Phyllis Schlafly.  He began by exploring her accomplishments over many years as a leader of the conservative Christians, and asked how she felt about the recent successes of the movement.  He joked with her a little bit, and then asked her about Justice Sunday, and what her message was, giving her the chance to speak and lay out her agenda.  He used a technique called "draining," where you drain information out of somebody, until you understand their agenda and relax them, so they aren't combative.  Being a master comedian, Maher can make even the most serious conservative laugh, calming their partisan rancor, and gaining their trust, before slicing their opinions to bits.

After Schlafly laid out her vision, she was relaxed, and somewhat tickled by Maher's deference to her credentials.  He asked her a couple of easy, yet slightly adversarial, questions covering the purpose of judges in the Constitution and the Ten Commandments and their place in the courthouse when only two of them were Constitutional laws.  He got a little friction with that question, so he turned quickly to a subject on which they would both agree.  He asked her to clarify her position about the death penalty, referring to the BTK killer and then agreeing with her that he should be executed.  Now back on common ground, he turned to his difference of opinion on issues like abortion and assisted suicide, while claiming he understood the logic of why people were opposed.  Then he said he didn't understand the logic of opposition to gay marriage, and asked her to clarify her opinion, discussing it in a conversational way, without confrontation.  She responded, but was still pacified.  She had said her piece without argument, while given the utmost respect by a cordial Bill Maher, who had clearly charmed her with his sense of humor despite their difference of opinion.

Then suddenly, like a crack of lightning in a calm sky, he hit her with it:  "I mean, your own son is gay."  Schafly was thrown off guard!  Unable to respond, she ducked the question, reiterating her previous point.  Bill continued:  "But I'm just asking why so many conservatives seem to have gay children? Dick Cheney, Alan (Keyes)...I'm just asking...I'm not trying to be frivolous"

Again, she couldn't reply or get her thoughts straight.  She was floored by his remarks.  He had gained her trust and then attacked her when she was most vulnerable.

Before she realized what hit her, the conversation was over.  Bill thanked her for coming on the show, and she left confused.  This style was extremely effective at forcing her to think, rather than react.  Widespread ignorance about this technique is a big reason why Democrats and Republicans often fail to get along.

You see, negative energy is a very powerful thing.  The Bush Administration fanned the flames of rage by claiming liberals were unpatriotic and unwilling to support our troops.  Zell Miller's "spitball" speech at the Republican National Convention exemplified this technique of turning people against one another, even if the claims you make about your opponents are utterly outrageous.

This negativity carried over to the streets of America, where people screamed political jargon in grocery stores and shopping malls at fellow citizens wearing campaign paraphernalia.

Many of us were guilty of yelling at conservatives, being too combative and solidifying their partisanship.  Even though we felt like we couldn?t back down and had to speak up for all Democrats, we forgot that it is the job of the campaigns to fight back, not average Americans.  We fell into the trap of the Bush campaign.  We argued with Republicans instead of listening to them.  We belittled their positions instead of engaging them.  We could have used the Socratic Method, but instead we used the same method employed after being cut off in Beltway traffic. 

We felt frustration with the Bush Administration, but instead of sharing it, we squandered an opportunity to get them to empathize with us.  Negative energy is a great destroyer of rational thought.  Consider the impact it has in our daily lives through stress.  If too much negative energy adversely affects our health, then imagine what is doing to our country. 

Have you ever thought about why we found the 2004 Presidential campaign so important?  After all, if Bush was running to be President of Belgium, it wouldn't have mattered so much.  People cared so much because Bush holds the most important elected office on Earth.  Of course, he is going to face scrutiny, and of course his supporters are going to feel hurt when we bash him.  We need to put ourselves in their shoes, and then put them in ours.  We need to explain our frustration, and drain their take on it out of them before we try and hammer their opinion to bits, if we do that at all.  People don't respond to antagonism, rather they bottle up like a turtle in its shell, and get completely defensive. 

Now Jerry Kilgore is attempting to create the same atmosphere.  He wants us to enrage his base, so he doesn't have to actually talk about the issues.  We can?t let what happened in the presidential election happen here in Virginia.  Take a lesson from Bill Maher and utilize this technique before you give in to your own anger.  Remember that we have the ideas to back us up.  Tim Kaine is a successful leader, who has proven himself time and time again.  He can defend himself against Kilgore on the campaign trail, and we don't have to do it for him when we meet people who support him.  We need to engage each other or we'll fall into their trap again, and Virginia will be partisan and out of control.

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