Dear Mr. Kilgore: Happy Birthday from all of us at RaisingKaine.com. As a present, we'd like you to know that you now have our complete and totally unbridled support for all of your positions and plans for the Commonwealth. We retract everything bad we've ever said about you, having realized on your birthday just what a "gift" you are to Virginia.
For instance, we cannot help but support your suggested referrendum on taxation. It's clearly correct to give up responsibility and let the voters decide what's best. Why should an elected official actually make a decision anyway? Like you, we here at RaisingKaine trust the people - always have, always will!
Also, thank you so much for your leadership on curbing gang violence. The fact that gang violence shot up 220% while you were Secretary of Public Safety does not cause us to hesitate for even one second in supporting your leadership on this issue. Please, Mr. Kilgore, give us more of the same, and hopefully with you as Governor we can keep watching those gang violence numbers go up and up and up!
Let's not forget education: please consider this letter as a wholehearted endorsement of your position on building a Southside University. Whether you decide not to build one, to consider studying the situation, or to break ground immediately, we think your open-mindedness on the situation is completely right on. Please don't ever try to single-mindedly guide or show any leadership on any position. After all, you are running to lead Virginia, so please don't ever put the needs of "the people" ahead of your abiltity to maneauver for political gains. And just remember, you have NO DUTY to anyone on this issue. NO DUTY!
On immigration, please know that we firmly support your position against Herndon's day labor center. Those ridiculous faith-based do-gooders at Reston Interfaith should never have started this hubub in the first place. How could a bunch of bleeding heart Christians and shady Muslims know more about handling workers issues in their own neighborhood than you do? Of course, it's disgusting that illegal immigrants actually live and work in this country. We should heap them all together with the legal immigrants and make sure that they crowd into parking lots to work for whatever near slave-wages they can pickup.
Oh, and what a brilliant stroke it was of you to suggest that the local police quit wasting their time protecting the citizens of Herndon, and start rounding up illegal immigrants. This is a massive problem, and you've obviously taken complete command of it in your usual well-informed and strong style. Frankly, we are lucky to have a man like you, showing his true stripes as a great executive in the tradition of Hubert Humphrey, Strom Thurmond, and Fielding L. Wright.
It is a sign of your true inspiration that you, unlike any other Governor or candidate in Virginia history, would propose to add a transportation funding line on the budget so that local schools have to compete for dollars against the transporation lobby. If we don't educate our children, we'll have plenty of ditch diggers and guys to hold those cool orange flags on the highway. Pure Genius!
Finally, please also don't ever listen to critics like the FBI or other so-called "experts" when they try to tell you that the "facts" say there's no connection between Al-Queda and Latino street gangs like MS-13. As your spokesman so aptly said, "There may be a connection that we are not aware of." The fact that this issue has been strongly investigated, and no connection or hint of a connection found, should be proof positive that something shady is afoot! Please allow us to endorse any future assertions along this line of reasoning that you may choose to make.
For example, There MAY be a connection that we are not aware of between the ACLU and Anthrax. We should investigate that. There MAY be a connection that we are not aware of between Michael Jackson and the Madrid Bombings. We need to check that out! There MAY be a connection that we are not aware of between teaching evolution in schools and this so called "global warming" garbage some crazy so-called scientists keep insisting on. And there MAY be a connection between Tony Blair, the Queen of England, and Henry A. Kissinger. We'll have to keep looking into that, with your help of course.
Anyway, we could go on and on here, but please, Mr. Kilgore, be happy, healthy and well on this most happy occasion. From all of us at RasingKaine.com, our warmest wishes that you are elected Governor of Virginia, that we stay in Iraq for another 10 years, and that China calls back all our loans.
Best wishes.
RaisingKaine
P.S. For a birthday present, how about we give you sunglasses and a camouflage outfit so you can more effectively duck debates held in front of all those people you "trust?"