Why bother?

The title of this diary could apply to the idea of writing a diary on this day, when anyone and everyone is writing one, and would be a recognition that this diary will almost certainly disappear without much notice.  But such is not the meaning of the title.

The words are those someone might offer about anything s/he does not think will make a difference.  It could apply to voting,  to reading the newspaper, to speaking up when someone makes a racist or sexist or otherwise demeaning remark. 

And it is the kind of remark which if not challenged, whether it be of politics, morality, personal behavior, represents a surrender of what it means to be fully human.
My last sentence certainly will annoy some.  After all, we cannot be concerned about everything or weGÇÖll burn out, right?  Or my speaking up about Darfur will not save a single life there, so "why bother?" 

And each of us wants to have time for ourselves, our dreams, our families, our friends.  And if we cannot occasionally say "why bother/" how will that be possible?

And, teacherken, they will say, donGÇÖt you sometimes look the other way?  So arenGÇÖt you being a hypocrite to raise this issue in this way?

All of the foregoing statements have elements, great elements, of truth to them.  So then why am I writing this?

Man may think he is a rational creature, but in reality one of his greatest characteristics is that he is a rationalizing creature.  He is capable of great creativity in justifying his actions.  Often his explanations are really not satisfactory, convincing no one, not even himself.  Then  why does he bother?

Because he still cares, he still has a conscience, and still finds it necessary to try to justify what in his heart he knows is less than fully satisfactory action on his part. 

Because ultimately, so long as he rationalizes he still recognizes his connection with that street person to whom he does not give money nor does he act in in any way to ameliorate his condition.  If he still offers words about the need to concentrate on his own finances, his job, or his family, then he still recognizes the connection with the human crisis halfway around the world.  If he says he did not confront the racist remark in his presence because it wasnGÇÖt going to make a difference, then some small (or not so small) part of him recognizes that the remark was wrong, and that his silence in some way makes him complicit.

Why bother when we often cannot hope to see results from what we do?  Imagine yourself as a single drop of water confronting a rock.  If you fall and smash yourself upon that rock, you will see no change.  But if you are one of billions of drops of water, that rock will begin to disappear under your combine impact.

We are far more than single drops of water.  Such expression might be better applied to our individual actions, billions of them, over a course of lifetime, many of which do not even rise to the level of consciousness.  And perhaps here is the first hint of "why bother?"  No one action we do may seem to make that much of a difference, but we begin to grasp the idea of combined action starting to make a difference in the world in which we live. 

And the fact that we still ask the question, that we seek to justify, means that we are still connected.  That if in at least some cases we do "bother" we begin to make the most important difference - in ourselves, in our common humanity.

I donGÇÖt mind when a person rationalizes, because that person still at some level cares, and is connected.  I am frightened by the person who sees no need to rationalize, who presumes that whatever he does is its own justification.  That person to me is dangerous to all of us.  If I am offered a justification with which I disagree, it presents an opportunity to dialog, for me either to learn and perhaps be convinced,to persuade the person to whom my remarks in dialog are directed, or perhaps to invite in to the discussion third and fourth parties, thereby increasing our immediate circle of connectedness.

Why bother to blog?  Because perhaps someone will read it.  She may offer words back, she may not, but it is an opportunity for human connection.  Why bother to let the person trying to merge in ahead of you even though you are late for an appointment?  Perhaps it is a small recognition that we are not solipsists, that our concerns and needs do not automatically have greater importance than those of others.

It is almost the end of the civil year.  It is normal to look both back and ahead, hence our next month derives its name from a two-faced Roman deity, looking in both directions.  Looking back we can see times where we wished we had bothered, then looking forward know that there will be many such occasions in the future.  Yet we can also see times when we - or others - did bother, and use that as encouragement that the world is not totally hostile, we are not totally on our own, this is not an Hobbesian universe of the war of every man against every man.

Why bother?  We are human, we still care.  No, we will not respond as we should in every situation, we will continue to rationalize our failures because we will know them as evidence of our imperfection.  But we will also find joy when we encounter someone who does bother, on behalf of ourselves or someone or something dear to us.  We may be surprised to find others thanking us, and be inclined to say "it was nothing" because we believe it is something we should do as fellow humans.  Or, perhaps we are embarrassed because we think of all the other times we didnGÇÖt do that small thing.

Kindness, consideration.  Patience, with ourselves in our imperfect humanity, and then in that of others we may encounter.  These are small things about which we will bother.

Then these small things, like the drops of water on the face of the rock, begin to make a difference.  The biggest difference they make, the only one for which we have responsibility, is the difference in ourselves, that we may become more fully human, more kind, more considerate.

As I look back on this year, I am thankful for all the times the people here have bothered - in writing a diary, or a comment, or in words they have said, or actions they have attempted to better our world.  And because people bothered, I know they will do so as the New Year comes upon us.

If like some that time has already come - perhaps in Japan or Australia, I congratulate you.  For the rest of us, I hope that you will be able to look forward with hope.

Time is both linear and cyclical.  As each day carries with it the weight of all the days that have gone before, so it also carries fresh opportunity - to grow, to connect with others.

May the new year contain enough joy that you not lose hope and despair.

Peace.

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