"George Allen's new novel draws a cartoon of a West that never was, with hopes for a continuation of the same. It captures well the creaking of brand new saddle leather, jingly spurs, and twangy fake accents, and shows us a generation of rich poseurs with everything who sit out the Asian war raging overseas. Follow the hero, Neck Shrubington, as he bullies hired hands, spits 'baccy juice, and has a little fun with 'indigenous personnel'. A novel redolent of hypocrisy and macho posturing, you can almost smell the macaca." George W. Bush.
Excerpts after the jump
Here are some favorite excerpts:
"A shirtless dude rode his horse down a manicured lawn. His muscles were carefully shaped through three day a week weight training and layered over with thick pale skin, unmarked but for the bruise from where Cindy Lou accidentally hit him with her baton when he was chasing her for a little kiss after the big football game. His eyes were red from a Jim Beam hangover. A small boy ran up to take his horse's bridle. The dude grabbed the child, hung him upside down by his ankles, and kept him there until the child cried 'uncle'.
'Why did he do that?', said Tex to Billy.
'He's Neck, man, he don't need a reason,' replied Billy."
Here's another passage:
"Neck spat a long stream of brown right between her feet, but she danced artfully away from the splatter. He marveled at her agility, and reveled in the knowledge that she found him repulsive but was powerless to do anything about it."
And another:
"He went through the morning routine for the last time, trying to summon up the energy to pack his suitcases with the souvenirs he'd acquired and say goodbye to the heated monogrammed bath towels and heavy linen sheets with their faux-Western motif borders. He wondered if he should leave a tip for dark-complected Mexican valet, but thought to himself that it would only encourage more illegal immigration, and that the man was being paid far better at the ranch than he would have been at home. He listened for the last time to the sound of the breakfast bell and heard the beeping horn of the limo as it turned into the drive. Time to go."
That's about all I have, folks. If you'd like to post your favorite passages, please feel free to do so. Just remember, in George Allen's world there is no sex and no traumatized, degraded, humiliated, or impoverished war survivors. On the other hand, there are gleaming heroes moving inexorably on the road to victory.