ISSUE
ADVICE TO DEMOCRATS
ADVICE TO REPUBLICANS
ISSUE | ADVICE TO DEMOCRATS | ADVICE TO REPUBLICANS |
| The next House Leader will be... | (Whisper) ... nancy pelosi ... | Cleared of all charges. |
| The Economy | Ask, “Are you better off now than you were six years ago? | Ask, GÇ£Are you more blown up by a terrorist now than you were six years ago?GÇ¥ |
| The Plan for Iraq | Not “cut-and-run” … “sever-and-stroll.” | GÇ£WhatGÇÖs Iraq?GÇ¥ |
| The Budget | Say you won’t balance the budget on the backs of the poor. | Say youGÇÖll sell advertising on the backs of the poor. |
| Illegal Immigration | “¡Hola! Voto para nosotros.” | GÇ£Do not wash the GÇÿrojoGÇÖ sock with the GÇÿblancoGÇÖ shirt.GÇ¥ |
| Global Warming | Appeal to coastal voters in states like Florida. | Appeal to future coastal voters in states like Ohio. |
| Health Care | Tell story of poor, uninsured mother of three to support your push for Universal Coverage. | Tell story of Tiny Tim to support your push for Christmas Miracles. |
| NSA Surveillance | Call anyone wearing a tie “a fascist.” | Call anyone wearing a wire GÇ£a patriot.GÇ¥ |
| Alternative Energy | The Limitless Power of Hemp! | Gitmo detainees on treadmill-generators! |
| Jobs | Support honest crusaders for workers’ rights, like the Teamsters. | GÇ£I hear the ArmyGÇÖs hiring GǪGÇ¥ |
| Prayer in School | There is no place in public school for God, no matter how you choose to define Him … or not define Him … or Her … or It … or Them … or … We? | The public schools need our prayers, because theyGÇÖre sure not getting our money. |
| Smearing Your Opponents | Take the high road. It’s much easier to sling mud downhill. | Reveal new tests that prove McCainGÇÖs illegitimate black child actually fathered by (Democratic opponentGÇÖs name here). |
| Firing Up the Base | Get Clintons on TV as much as possible. | Get Clintons on TV as much as possible. |