Allen campaign workers mistakenly work event in "fake Virginia"-¥!

Several Allen volunteers were in shock.  "It was horrible.  I saw a Kerry sticker on a car in the parking lot.  I feared for my safety!"-¥ said one volunteer.  Another volunteer expressed her concern about the people living in the Arlington community. "What really scares me are the families.  How do they live in this place?  All those jobs, all that health care, all those buses running on Clean Natural Gas?  So much free speech and the free spreading of ideas?  So much diversity of people of all races, colors, religions, creeds, and sexual orientations living together peacefully?  How can we control this country if people aren't in a constant state of ignorance, misinformation, fear and paranoia?"-¥ 

After hearing the news of the campaign workers trapped in "fake Virginia", Allen supporters in Southwest Virginia held a vigil, hoping that the campaign staff would come home to "real Virginia"-¥ safely.  At the vigil, one Allen supporter said, "I remember those hostages in Iran.  This is exactly like that."-¥  Another Allen supporter complained about Webb's absence in their community, "people like Jim Webb are awful.  They never come to our community because they don't care about us.  In fact, I ran into Jim Webb down the street earlier when he was talking to voters, and I told him he wouldn't get my vote if he continued to never come here!" 
After the vigil was held, supporters were shocked when they heard the awful news:  The Allen campaign supporters weren't coming back to "real Virginia"-¥.  Even worse, some of them had addresses in Arlington!  "They have been brainwashed!" said one Allen supporter.  "They went into this evil place and now they live there.  They even have jobs there.  With full health benefits and pensions.  These  "fake Virginian's"-¥ living inside the Beltway have blackness in their hearts!"-¥

The Allen campaign faced more bad news when they discovered they had donors living inside the beltway who had given them thousands of dollars.  One Allen staff member said "these people inside the Beltway just don't get it.  We are from "real Virginia"-¥.  We don't want their money.  I mean, we'll keep it, but only to show that people in "real Virginia"-¥ are honorable enough to take money when it is given to us.  Just ask Virgil Goode!"-¥

"We will get through this", said Dick Wadhams.  "We made a mistake by accidentally setting up an information booth along with road signs, and signs supporting local Republican candidates.  However, we know that the people of "real Virginia"-¥ will realize that we are not complete hypocrites who take money from big businesses that ship jobs from our rural communities to foreign countries just to gain more profit to sell cheap goods in urban communities and make billions of dollars for Wall Street, while consequently depleting these communities of tax revenues by forcing local governments to give massive tax cuts to big companies to maintain operations, even if they fire thousands of workers anyway."  Allen still leads the race 47-42. 

*The quotes in this article are not real.  I did ask one Allen supporter whose girlfriend came up to the Democrats booth why he supported Allen, and he said, "I don't want to talk about it!"  I guess he was ashamed that the man he supports claims that he doesn't live in the "real Virginia".

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