Kidman/Urban Secret Honeymoon Destination Discovered and Targeted by Lone Paparazzi
by: dood abides
June 28, 2006 at 05:07:14 America/Los_Angeles
Baghdad, Iraq (O! Online) - Newlyweds Nicole Kidman and the Keith Urban had their secret honeymoon plans in the US military Green Zone in Baghdad dashed by a lone paparazzi. The couple had planned to show their international support for both Australian and American occupation forces by spending their honeymoon in the Green Zone. The couple was reportedly very frightened by the experience, hastily canceling the remainder of their honeymoon, and immediately flying to the island of Fiji according to Kidman's publicist.
Kidman's publicist went on to state that the couple originally felt it was important to be showing support for the Australian and American troops tasked with the unpopular prolonged occupation of Iraq, while not implicitly endorsing the original decision to go to war by both governments. She stated also that it was sad that the couple had to leave so quickly for their own safety. Kidman was reportedly very angered over continued assurances of improved security from the US government, and the arrangements made for the honeymoon through the State Department.
dood abides :: Kidman/Urban Secret Honeymoon Destination Discovered and Targeted by Lone Paparazzi
Kidman and Urban fleeing from paparazzi stunt within the "Green Zone"
Kidman and Urban apparently became very shaken when an IED was set off by a lone paparazzi in order to elicit a reaction from the couple and snap a picture. No one was hurt during the explosion and a military photographer was able to capture a picture of the incident. Military authorities stated that the paparazzi was immediately caught and has been transported to Guant+â-ínamo Bay, Cuba for further interrogation. The military refused to release photos, or the identity or nationality of the unknown paparazzi, and expressed embarrassment over security lapses. They stated only that the paparazzi had managed to cleverly avoid discovery by disguising himself as an insurgent.
The US State Department expressed its regrets over the incident, and stated that they were looking into the possibility of a refund of the couple's reservations. A State Department representative stated that the prospects for a refund did not look good, however, in that it might send the wrong message to the public in regards to the burgeoning Baghdad Green Zone tourism industry.
Archconservative Grover Norquist has spearheaded the increasingly popular Green Zone junkets for celebrities and politicians alike. For recommended donations of $200,000 or more to his organization "Americans for Tax Reform", Norquist is able to facilitate arrangements through the Bush administration and the American occupational forces. Previously, interested parties had to also work through convicted felon Jack Abramoff, but Norquist has been able to successfully streamline the process.
Norquist stated, "You can imagine our disappointment last month when Brad and Angelina opted to have their baby in Namibia. Right up until the last minute I honestly thought we had a shot at them. It's really great when you see a young couple like the Urbans stand up and try to make a sacrifice. I'm very disappointed that it didn't work out better for them."
Norquist continued, "Our goal at some point is to have amount of the suggested donations drop to the point that any American or world citizen may be able to come to the Green Zone and see for themselves what we have accomplished. I just hope these isolated incidents of violence around Baghdad won't deter tourism and that they can be scrubbed up by the new government. I suppose you could consider the entire country of Iraq to be a giant post-Saddam bathtub with the Green Zone in Baghdad as the drain. It's only natural that all the dirt and scum would kind of accumulate and sometimes clog up the works there."
Kidman's publicist stated that the couple's honeymoon would likely be extended for another week in Fiji, in order that they might be able to better put the incident behind them. A planned visit by the couple to Australian neighbor East Timor has been cancelled.
Tags: Kidman Urban Honeymoon, Grover Norquist, Green Zone, satire, Snark Attack!, (All Tags)