2) Besides losing yardage, penalized players will also be stripped and tortured.
3) La Salle and the New Orleans Saints will be forced to change their names for being too French-oriented.
4) Defeating the Patriots would be un-American.
5) Players will be able to sneak-and-peak into other teams' playbooks.
6) QBs will dominate the running game thanks to increased unilateralism.
7) NFL Euro will get tax breaks for shipping jobs overseas.
8) Hail Marys will become more common thanks to faith-based plays.
9) Only wealthy players will be provided athletic trainers.
10) The term "tight end" will be changed for sounding too sexual.
11) Any spectators who do not stand, hold their hands over their hearts and remove their hats during the National Anthem will be labeled enemy combatants and sent to Gitmo.
12) Audibles will be banned for aborting initial plays.
13) Only Fox Sports will broadcast games.
14) QBs unable to execute plays will never admit their mistakes.
15) #1-ranked teams will be selected without a majority or plurality of the vote.
In the first quarter of the War in Iraq Team Bush executed a brilliant strategy for returning the opening kick-off. From the owners box Cheney, Bush, and Wolfowitz sipped champange--"Mission Accomplished baby!" The Prez was overheard saying to coach Rumsfeld on the field. Senator Allen, who had remained silent in the background for the opening return shouted "YOU ARE CORRECT Sir!"
Unfortunately, football is played over four quarters. There was no game plan beyond the opening kickoff. The opponents were supposed to throw flowers and receive Team Bush as "liberators". By the second play of the first quarter Team Bush was still claiming victory--but the reality was otherwise.
The momentum was lost because of arrogance and a delusional game plan conceived by Sunday afternoon warriors who had no business putting other people's children at risk.
There are some on Team Bush who say "if we don't fight the war today, our children will have to fight it tomorrow." The reality: their children aren't the one's fighting the war--and they never will--even in future battles.
The true soldiers are the paying the price--and doing their damndest to make something out of a bungled strategy. Their bosses didn't send them onto the field with the necessary equipment. They didn't take into account realities of the game. They didn't reckon on the realities of War and had no plan for securing the peace.
Let us never again allow weekend warriors to cavalierly put America's best in harms way. Only the best should be calling the shots. And in this war we did not give our soldiers the type of leadership that they deserved. Never again.