Where's Waldo?
By: Lowell
Published On: 5/7/2005 1:00:00 AM
Waldo Jaquith is one of my favorite Virginia Democratic bloggers, and a great guy too. Which is why I'm so saddened and worried that he's disappeared from sight. Sure, he's got some lame excuse up on his blog about taking his final exams, yadda yadda yadda. Like we're supposed to believe THAT, Waldo? I mean, we may be bloggers and liberals but we're not more stupider as that!
Anyway, here are my theories regarding "Where's Waldo?"
He's being held prisoner in one of Scott Howell's dungeons, currently being tortured by not being allowed to blog for days on end. Definitely cruel and unusual punishment, but I suppose the Kilgore campaign wouldn't have any particular problem with that, especially for a dastardly liberal.
He's taking an early, pre-wedding honeymoon with his lovely fiancee, amber. Given that they're both liberals, it's probably in a country like France, Sweden, or possibly even Cuba. Viva Waldo y Amber!
He's attending a secret "future liberal leaders of Charlottesville" retreat somewhere in... well, Charlottesville I guess! Studying how to "frame" issues in a Lakoffian manner, to communicate effectively and with sensitivity to cultural differences, and to raise wads of money in donations of $5 or less over the internet.
He's once again hiking the Appalachian Trail and nursing 3 broken feet after deciding to chuck it all and return to nature.
He's recuperating in the hospital after being injured while attempting to juggle fire. The problem is, you're not supposed to SWALLOW the fire, Waldo! Didn't they teach you anything at Hogwarts?
He's hitchhiking across the galaxy with Zaphod Beeblebrux after Charlottesville is destroyed to make way for a new Washington outer, outer, OUTER beltway. Sorry, Waldo, but we Northern Virginians need to get around!
He's writing his PhD thesis on gay male linguistic patterns and Republican politics. Lucky Waldo, he's already signed to a national speaking tour by the National Education Association, the American Society of Cunning Linguists, the Democratic National Committee and the Potts for Governor campaign.
He's on a religious retreat with Pastor John, exorcising his demons and learning how to detect freemasons and homosexuals when they're not in drag.
Amber and he are hanging out in Toronto and wondering if they made the right decision to seek political asylum in Canada.
Anyway, wherever you are Waldo, we wish you the best of luck. Even if you really ARE taking some "exams" so you can "graduate" from "college." Yeah, and monkeys...
PS Whoops, late breaking story -- Waldo's been found!! Thank goodness, we were really starting to worry there! :)
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