Yeah, I'll admit it. I'm a huge Pastor John fan. Look, this "Virginia Republican" guy is either one of two things: 1) a raving, foaming-at-the mouth, right-wing Republican (I strongly doubt it); or 2) one of the funniest political satirists I've ever read, skewering the homophobes, bigots, racists, and right wingers without many of them even realizing it. Come to think of it, Pastor John skewers EVERYONE who's dumb enough to believe he's serious (some of whom, sad to say, are my fellow liberals).Either way, and I strongly believe it's #2, I recommend that you go read some of the comments on his blog by right-wingers who actually APPROVE of his (satirical) rantings about "the homosexuals, the immigrants, the free-masons, the bug chasers, the keester-bandits, the pinkos, the pederasts, the one-eyed sodomites, and the bolsheviks." Yeah, those damn bolsheviks and keester-bandits will get you every time, no doubt about it. I personally have been battling them, Buffy-the-Vampire-Slayer style, for years! Now, I just thank God that we've got Pastor John fighting them too and defending for eternal souls from hellfire and damnation.
Oh, and a heartfelt "thank YOU!" to Pastor John for alerting us to the threat those "drag queens" and "homosexual immigrants" really DO "pose a serious threat to our heterosexual way of life. " From now on, I for one will always make sure to "keep an eye on the masonic temples, the local convenience stores, the oriental restaurants, the cuban book clubs, the unitarian churches, the pagan organic farms, and the federal buildings scattered all across our fine state of virginia."
And nobody will ever lure me with "free government-provided television sets and skimpy sponge pants square bob underpants" ever again. "Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me!"
See, Pastor John is looking out for us, and I for one appreciate it. That's why I decided to write this on my blog. Now, I just hope that Jerry Kilgore appreciates Pastor John's support, not to mention the support of Pastor John's right-wing readers, Pat "Anti-Muslim Bigot" Robertson and others of their ilk. Most importantly, I hope that Virginians at large come to realize the type of people who back Jerry Kilgore for governor. As Pastor John says, in his inimitable way:
my political opinions may sound crazy to you, but there are millions of likeminded men and women across the country who share my beliefs, although the women refrain from expressing them. we?re out there and we proved it by delivering the election for george w. bush in 2004. and we?re growing. jerry kilgore will benefit tremendously from our support.
As I said, this guy's either a right-wing Republican or a brilliant satirist ("Demons be Gone!). Either way, there's no stopping it so I might as well come out of the closet and shout it to the world: I love Pastor John! There, I've said it. Ha!
PS One commenter over at VirginiaRepublican points out that now, "if only the RNC would hire this guy, progressives could do a direct mail campaign with his quotes and bring in about $3M overnight." Not a bad idea, come to think of it. Are you reading all this, Mark Mehlman, you homosexual/demon/mason you?