It seems the Republican party's religious wing has issued a fatwa against Barack Obama. In a "Letter from 2012 in Obama's America," produced by James Dobson's Focus on the Family Action, they warn of the alleged results of an Obama presidency by way of a letter from the future.
As Steve Strang of Charisma magazine put it in the title of a recent anti-Obama article, "Life As We Know It Will End If Obama is Elected." Predictions include four terrorist strikes on the U.S. cities, Israel destroyed by nukes, no more Boy Scouts, and nationalized healthcare resulting in euthanasia for the elderly.
The letter is being distributed to Christian evangelicals and is designed to scare the hell out of them. Oh well, in the spirit of fairness, we present our own letter.
Letter from 2012 in McCain's America
Dear Friend,
Who said John McCain wouldn't bring change? Here are a few of the news headlines and stories we're reading in 2012:
--China calls in U.S. debt, threatens war. Negotiations continue as President McCain offers to sell California to Beijing to offset his losses at craps tables.
--Gated communities endangered as food riots get out of hand. Many Republicans forced to retreat to country clubs. Wait for tee times, "excruciating," say golfers.
--Scientists lament failure to stop global superbug from killing millions. "If only stem cell research had been legal!" Surgeon General Frist promises arrests of alarmist radical scientists, notes virus has had only limited effect on fully insured white males.
--Appalachian foothills may be beachfront property by 2014 as sea level rise accelerates. Interior Secretary William O'Reilly dismisses speculation that global warming is the cause. Blames liberals, Muslims and Europeans for coordinated oceanic wading. Meanwhile, the U.S. Capital will move west merely as precaution. "This will allow "real Americans" more access," says Homeland Security Secretary Hannity.
--With his seventh wife Muffy, 19, holding the family Bible, Justice Newt Gingrich is sworn in during a White House ceremony. President McCain declares testily, "if the Senate will expedite my nomination of Samuel Wurzelbacher, America will finally have a Supreme Court we can be proud of." The wildly popular Wurzelbacher, also known as "Joe the Justice," has been held up by questions about his education. "I didn't even know Bob Jones University had a law school," said Senate Majority Leader Michele Bachmann.
--President McCain's press secretary, Anne Coulter, announces the President will marry his "smokin' hot" VP in a Rose Garden ceremony (as soon as his divorce from his drug-addled wife is finalized). In related news, the FBI closes its investigation into bizarre snow machine accident.
--Foreclosure crisis declared over. Freddie Mac/Fannie Mae CEO Rick Davis announces last home acquired, tenant unrest quelled. Now "I'm everyone's landlord, pretty much," Davis observes. He also noted one David Axelrod was late on his rent and is in "big trouble."
--Pursuit of fugitives former President Bush, Secretary Paulson continues. "We've searched every Hooters from here to Helsinki. I'm afraid the $700 billion may be gone with them," sings Special Prosecutor John Ashcroft.
--Mexican government asks President McCain and border state governors to help with refugee problem. Secretary of State Lieberman suggests Mexico lower its minimum wage to match U.S., so officials can stem the flight of workers heading south. "I told you we needed a damn wall," says ICE director Tom Tancredo.
--Iraq, Iran, Pakistan, Afghanistan and Georgian occupations may last well into next year. Draftees are said to be supplementing volunteer forces well--though some are feared to be gay--according to Defense Secretary Larry Craig. "Victory is in sight," states President McCain, "we'll have Tehran decontaminated by early spring. General Petreaus will report again in September, April or June, OK?"
--The Great "Economic Unpleasantness" (Depression) will not last much longer. "Suck it up," says Treasury Secretary Gramm, while defending closure of guvmint schools as massive budget savings.
--Exxon/Mobil/Shell/BP/Halliburton to form new firm: GlobOil. Should make process for leveraged buyout of Russia and Eastern Europe smoother. Carly Fiorina will lead new entity as CEO.
--Bill and Hillary Clinton set to tour expanded Guantanamo facility, visit Obamas. "They may stay for a while as honored guests," hints Attorney General Giuliani.
--Fox merges with USA Today. "Having one national network and one patriotic newspaper will promote national unity for all real Americans," according to Secretary of Information Nancy Pfotenhauer-Murdoch.
--President's Faith Consolidation Project almost complete, advised Pastor General John Hagee. Questions remain as to what to do with abandoned mosques, synagogues, and obsolete liberal "churches."
--Vice President Palin thanks governors for their prompt work on the President's Constitution Reform Initiative, urges states to accelerate repeal of remaining Thirteenth, Fourteenth and Sixteenth Amendments to complete process of getting back to the Founders' "original intent." Drops gavel on final session as Senate is dissolved.
--President McCain and National Security Advisor G. Gordon Liddy celebrate no terrorist attacks on U.S. soil since 9/11/2001. Al Jazeera reports Osama bin Laden has abandoned jihad against America. "Our work is done," says al-Qaeda chieftain.
Gotta go, hope all is well with you in 2008. Don't forget to vote . . .
Fondest regards,
An American in 2012
Cross-posted at www.vagreatblueheron.wordpress.com