So far, John McCain has proposed addressing the economic crisis by:
-- Doing nothing, because the fundamentals of the economy are strong.
-- Proposing a commission composed of really smart people to see what went wrong.
-- Opposing government bailouts.
-- Suspending his campaign to return to Washington to rally support for a bailout bill and failing miserably. Then blaming Obama for the "meltdown on Wall Street" in his ads.
-- Proposing an additional $300 billion bailout to pay banks the full value of failed home loans, angering most of his conservative base.
Putting on our fortune teller hats (different than Republican or American hats, by the way) we hereby offer our fearless prediction of John Sidney McCain III's next five economic proposals (in no particular order):
-- The federal government will buy tickets to Oprah for all Americans, except former domestic terrorists. YOU get a car! YOU get a FREE MAKEOVER!!
-- Everyone named Tucker will get an immediate 50% tax rebate.
-- All God-fearing Americans will be given travel vouchers to Alaska, get their oil company welfare checks, and wait for the Rapture. While there, they must scowl westward in case Putin raises his head.
-- Between now and November 4th, anyone who legally changes his name to Joe Six Pack will win a free six pack from Hensley & Company, Cindy McCain's Anheuser-Busch distributorship. Winner will also appear in a Bud Light "Real Men of Genius" commercial. To fund this giveaway, McCain will direct the Secretary of the Treasury to buy $3.6 billion in Hensley & Co. stock.
-- The John McCain House Raffle. Any hard-working (white) American who has lost their house to foreclosure can buy a chance on one of John and Cindy McCain's 7 or 8 houses! (Winner is responsible for evicting any random McCain children, Carly Fiorina, Phil Gramm, or other ex-McCain aide found living at the residence.)
John McCain: out of ideas and running out of time.
Cross-posted at www.vagreatblueheron.wordpress.com