Make no mistake: my participation in this survey is vital to our Party's and America's future blah blah pressing issues blah blah critical juncture blah blah Ronald Reagan himself once said blah blah Islamic Jihadists blah blah confront the liberal Democrats blah blah retake the Senate.
I cannot share all 35 questions with you, since lubril Democrats may catch wind, but here is a sample of the critical questions. Note the survey only has room for yes or no answers. Since I'm responding for my entire voting district, I felt I should elaborate here (answers in italics):
8. Can the U.S. economy function without the low-wage labor provided by illegal immigrants?
Yes, but Republican Senators' lawns will look terrible, and who will care for their children?
10. Hillary Clinton is calling Senate Democrats to push a passage of measures to institute government-run healthcare. Do you support efforts to give government control of your healthcare costs and choices?
A passage of measures??? Is this like a gaggle of geese? Besides, didn't this already happen in 1992? Seems to me government already controls many healthcare costs and choices, at least that's what folks on Medicare tell me.
14. Do you support giving U.S. intelligence and law enforcement agencies the ability to covertly track and monitor communications of terrorist suspects within our borders, as needed, even if a court order has not yet been obtained?
Aren't you guys already doing this? Are you saying we don't currently have this ability? Why else did the telecoms need immunity? Since the Bush administration couldn't track the folks responsible for 9-11 when they knew they were in the country . . . why would having more e-mails to sift through help?
15. Should foreign terrorists caught in the future or currently being held in U.S. detainment facilities be given the same legal rights and privileges as U.S. citizens?
We have foreign terrorists caught in the future?
Call Michael J. Fox and let's get them back here, now! Maybe that's where Bush keeps finding the "third highest ranking member of al-Queda" who seems to appear in custody every time there's an embarrassing news story about the administration.
Should they have the same rights and privileges as American citizens? Only if they ARE American citizens. As for the rest, how about tickets to the Oprah show where they can all win a NEW CAR! You get a car! YOU get a car!
20. Can we "win" the war in Iraq and establish a stable government that does not harbor and support terrorists or are the Democrats right to call for us to give up, and cut-and-run?
I'm confused. The President told me we won a long time ago. He was standing on an aircraft carrier. It was in all the papers, right?
And why is the word "win" in quotation marks?
28. Do you support a Constitutional Amendment to protect traditional marriage - between a man and a woman?
It depends. I don't take amending our Constitution lightly. I would have to meet the man and the woman first.
29. Do you support President Bush's ban on human cloning?
Yes. I think we should ban cloning President Bush. Come to think of it, just because he's used up the body he's currently occupying, we shouldn't clone Vice President Cheney either.
32. Have Democrats won a national mandate to raise taxes and dictate foreign policy to President Bush for the remainder of his term?
Oh my God! That guy is STILL president? And when did he learn to take dictation? Who needs shorthand? Can't they just talk into the box strapped to his back like Cheney and Rove do?
Cross-posted at www.vagreatblueheron.wordpress.com