Think about it. Too true! (Header of Original Email-assumes recipients think)
Numbers=21 ways to be a GOOD Democrat.... received in original email
Letters =ways to be a good Republican added as possible response by me
1. You have to be against capital punishment, but support abortion on demand.
A. You have to believe that a woman deciding to have an abortion after praying to her God is not as qualified to decide as the Ditzy Televangelists (Dobson, Robertson, et. al.) who hold frequent two-way conversations with their God so they can tell us what God wants us to do.
2. You have to believe that businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity.
A. You have to believe that if businesses that are big enough are grossly mismanaged, it is the government's duty to rescue them when they go belly up. It helps to believe that the CEO and Directors who caused the failure should be exorbitantly remunerated with golden parachutes because: They tried, didn't they? And they weren't paid more than their captains of industry peers.
3. You have to believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding Americans are more of a threat than U.S.nuclear weapons technology in the hands of Chinese and North Korean communists.
A. You have to believe that George W. Bush is a Democrat because he invaded Iraq before catching Osama and invading the nuclear threats posed by North Korea and Iran.
4. You have to believe that there was no art before Federal funding.
A. You have to believe that art is unimportant and therefore eliminate all tax deductions for donations of already existing art by millionaire owners. Why should the taxpayers fund donations?
5. You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by cyclical documented changes in the earth's climate and more affected by soccer moms driving SUV's.
A. You have to believe that all science is basically junk science unless it agrees with your views or the Bible on how it should or should not impact our daily lives.
6. You have to believe that gender roles are artificial but being homosexual is natural.
A. You have to believe that God intended women to be subservient to their husbands in all matters and that heterosexually married Republican homosexuals should have access to federally funded, faith-based "healing" of their sickness.
7. You have to believe that the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal funding.
A. You have to believe that AIDS is God's way of punishing homosexuals and drug abusers and federal funds should not be spent to twart the will of God.
8. You have to believe th at the same teacher who can't teach 4th-graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.
A. You have to believe that the unregulated by government advertising industry has not radically increased 4th graders awareness of and interest in things sexual since the days when Ozzie and Harriet slept in twin beds and "The Beaver" hated girls.
9. You have to believe that hunters don't care about nature, but loony activists who have never been outside of San Francisco do.
A. You have to pretend to be a hunter until you drop out of the primary.
10. You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it.
A. You have to believe that our corporate business system is a good and fair one without a need for worker's Unions unless the workers are professional athletes making millions, movie stars, making millions, and unions of corporations called "trade associations." You must agree with the LABOR Department telling businesses how to avoid overtime and payment of employment benefits while the COMMERCE department subsidizes overseas advertising and business promotion with taxpayer money.
11. You have to believe that Mel Gibson spent $25 million of his own money to make The Passion Of The Christ for financial gain only.
A. You have to really not give a Shit why Mel made the movie. It got the far right cranked up and now it's pretty much history, given that Mel and Joe Lieberman probably ain't gonna share a drink.
12. You have to believe the NRA is bad because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good because it supports certain parts of the Constitution.
A. You have to believe that the only parts of the Constitution that MUST be supported are those that Dubya, Dick Cheney and Al "the man" Gonzalez say we must support. Otherwise, what the hell good are SIGNING STATEMENTS"?
13. You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.
A. You have to figure that ATM fees actually reflect the cost of ATM transactions, while you must believe that the CHINESE COMMIES are ready, willing and able to provide any money the government needs FOR FREE! Doesn't cost anything and you don't have to raise those already too high taxes.
14. You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, Gen. Robert E. Lee, and Thomas Edison.
A. You have to believe that anyone really cares about American History anymore and that if Gloria Steinem and Sanger had lived in Jefferson's times, they could have advised him that using sheeps intestine on his protuberance with maid Sally could have prevented problems with interracial sex that resulted in a Democrat with a white mother and a black father who is very popular with the voters. Jefferson literally screwed this argument up for conservatives like Strom Thurmond (RIP).
15. You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides are not.
A. You have to believe that all standardized tests are valid and that George W. Bush really got into the Harvard MBA Program based on his academic record at Yale. Given Bush's business record, you have to wonder about a Harvard MBA but still strive to get one if only there are no set-asides and quotas.
16. You have to believe that Hillary Clinton is normal and is a very nice person.
A. You have to believe that George W. Bush restored honor and integrity to the Oval Office.
17. You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried is because the right people haven't been in charge.
A. You have to believe that corporate socialism is different from regular socialism and therefore the taxpayer should fund even those corporations that are making record profits and bail out those that fail.
18. You have to believe conservatives telling the truth belong in jail, but a liar and a sex offender belonged in the White House.
A. You have to believe that George W. Bush never checked "NO" on his National Guard "willing to serve overseas" question and that this born again man was not intending to lie when he agreed to tell the truth to investigators as long as his VP could be with him and neither one of them had to "swear to God" that they were telling the truth.
19. You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag, transvestites, and bestiality should be constitutionally protected, and manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal.
A. You have to believe that the TALIBAN belief in Sharia law (God's law trumps man's law) would be great for the United States as long as it was Southern Baptist/Roman Catholic compromise God's law, and NOT Sharia.
20. You have to believe that illegal Democratic Party funding by the Chinese Government is somehow in the best interest to the United States.
A. You have to believe that borrowing for the Iraq war from the Chinese COMMUNISTS (They're COMMIES for Christ's sake) is in the best interests of the United States, as we can have tax cuts for Republicans and Cake for Democrats at the same time!
21. You have to believe that this message is a part of a vast, right wing conspiracy.
A. You have to believe that this message is a really, really good effort on the part of a vast, right wing conspiracy and that it raises the bar for future conservative "swift-boaters."
HAPPY VOTING!!!
I guess we're all friends now and the fact that the Chinese Communists are BUYING America, having learned from the Japanese that BOMBING America is NOT the way to beat America, makes us all friends in free trade and democracy with values for family and democracy;
MY GOD, George W. Bush, what the hell were you thinking and, More Importantly, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU AND YOUR PUPPET, my old friend gone astray with your mentoring, John McCain THINKING?? Are COMMIES some us us went to war to kill for Christ now our friends? WHEN DID THAT HAPPEN?
How come NO ONE TOLD ME?
Also, it strikes me as a bad idea to take out $1 trillion dollar loans from global competitors.
Republicans are persuasive and who dares to challenge the mortgage on our children's future by challenging China's financial grip on America? Is it not clear that George Bush (pick either one, the first should have stopped the second) should have asked Americans to pay for a war in Iraq rather than asking the Chinese Commies and Saudi Arabs to finance it? What was either George thinking?
Until we get a government that is not obsessed with keeping Iraq a whole political entity, while it RUSHES to recognize Kosovo's independence from Serbia, we will be sending American kids of decreasing ability to Iraq to get killed by an enemy who, if we did our homework and had really good intelligence, would be no more than a "piece of snot"!
Do NOT SELL the COMMIES short. Call me paranoid if you must BUT someone once said that if someone is after you, you should be paranoid. How about the Chinese one child rule? What do you Bushies think about that?
Enough for now.