Dear Commission Members:
The heart of my testimony is today's high temperature: 72 degrees. On January 8th.
Hellooooo?? Can I make it any friggin' clearer? What do I have to do to get through your thick skulls to those advanced brains that I helped you evolve?
News flash - This weather is not normal. And you'd know damn well why it's not normal if you'd only pay attention to the people who pay attention to me - the scientists who spend untold hours digging my soil, drilling my ice, diving in my oceans, sampling my atmosphere. They have established a massive body of evidence proving that you're messing me up with all the bloody CO2 and other gases.
I'm sick of it and now it's my turn to fight back. You say, "Oh, c'mon, just one more coal-burning plant!" But you know the story of how that one extra straw busted the camel's back? Let me put it this way - don't press your luck.
You thought Katrina was a disaster? Hell, I'm just warming up. If you thought the collapse of New Orleans was scary, what will you do when entire nations like Bangladesh need to be evacuated? What will you do when whole islands disappear from the map? Ain't gonna be any Astrodome big enough to hold them all.
You say: "But we need to meet growing demand for electricity." Far be it from me to question your need for extra home theaters in your 3,500 square foot homes. All I'll tell you is that I can't meet all your demands anymore. It's been estimated that human beings are now consuming the equivalent of 1.25 Earths - even though, as far as I can tell, you only have 1.0 to work with. I don't know where you're going to get that extra quarter-Earth from, but I do know that I can't help you with that - you're on your own.
You have to figure out how to meet all of your demands, whether for electricity or anything else. But understand this: if you keep saturating me with carbon dioxide, I'm going to make your lives miserable, and your children's and grandchildren's.
So go ahead and build your plant, and enjoy your 72 degree January day. You'll pay for it - and maybe sooner than you think.
Sincerely,
Mother Nature