Shocker: RaisingKaine Endorses Jerry Kilgore!

By: Lowell
Published On: 4/1/2005 2:00:00 AM

That's right, we here at RaisingKaine have decided to throw in the towel, to endorse Jerry Kilgore, and to abandon our hopeless fight for Tim Kaine.  We came to this conclusion after much, perhaps 5-10 minutes, of agonizing soul searching carried out while taking a hot shower.  Maybe it was the steam?

Anyway, here are our reasons for endorsing Jerry Kilgore.  We hope you agree.

  • He's strong.  We don't know exactly what that means, but rumor has it that when Jerry was a boy, he once arm wrestled somebody.  It might have been a girl, and he might have lost the match, but that's not really important right now.  What IS important is that Jerry "Sue" proved he won't back down from a challenge.  In our book, that's strong! 

  • He wants to increase our spending AND cut our taxes.  Woo-hoo!  Happy days are here again!  In contrast, all Tim Kaine ever talks about is "fiscal responsibility," "being responsible," blah blah blah.  Man is this boring stuff -- yaaaawwwwwn!!!  I mean, who cares about AAA Bond ratings and "best managed state in the country" silliness anyway?  Like we're supposed to give a rat's behind if we leave mountains of debt to our children or something?  Get real!  We want to par-tay, and we want to do it NOW.  Go Jerry!

  • He comes from a political family.  True, they're involved in a scandal or two (or three or four).  And true, they're hated by many people who actually live in Scott County and Gate City.  But when you're strong, and your family's dominated for years, of course your going to make enemies.  Didn't Machiavelli say it was better to be feared than loved?  Besides, the Kilgore family IS loved -- by those friends and relatives for whom it has delivered jobs and patronage, that is.  Well, that's one big reason why we're signing on to the Kilgore campaign -- we want some of that good patronage stuff too!

  • He likes SpongeBob SquarePants and would watch it all day if he could.  Gotta admire a man, especially a Republican, who will admit to that.

  • He doesn't constantly talk about religion, religion, religion all the time.  I mean, how many times do we need to hear about Tim Kaine's deep Roman Catholic religious beliefs and moral values, anyway?  Next thing you know, Kaine will be telling us that he served as a missionary or something.  Oh, wait a minute, he DID serve as a missionary!  See what we mean?  Well, not Jerry Kilgore, no missionary service for him.  Nope.  Instead, Jerry's been focused on what really matters -- advancing his own political career --  for over 20 years now.  Gotta admire that about him; he knows what he wants and he's not afraid to work at it.  That's what we're saying here.  Or something.

  • Despite his years of politicking, Jerry Kilgore has had far less experience as a politician than Tim Kaine, and we like that too.  I mean, who wants someone who was MAYOR of a major city, for heaven's sake, when you can have a guy who never ran much of anything in his life?  As if reducing crime, turning a poor city into one of the best places in America to do business, and creating 76,000 new jobs is supposed to impress us or something?  I mean, is it?  Uhhhh....

    • Anyway, the bottom line is that we, the people of RaisingKaine, for all the reasons enumerated above, plus many more too numerous to mention, do hereby and herewith endorse Jerry Kilgore "for our futures, for our families" and for our 401-k's.  And we do it on one of the most important days of the year, April 1.  So, we wish you, with the deadliest of seriouness, a happy Happy April Fool's Day! 

    Comments



    Posts 5 was not made (Addison - 4/4/2006 11:26:09 PM)
    Posts 5 was not made by the same person who runs Sic Semper Tyrannis.  To address any potential confusion, I have instituted a new policy.

    Any comment made by the person who runs SST will immediately be posted there.  Since I am the only person with access to post there, it should alleviate the confusion.



    Addison, I've been (John - 4/4/2006 11:26:09 PM)
    Addison,
    I've been all over this website and your the first one to describe Kilgore with the "G" word.  As far as attacking the family I would like to invite you down to our CO-OP feed store in Gate City and you will really hear some interesting facts on the Kilgore family.  After all we know them first hand.  Come on out and be straight with people, Jerry!


    "Attacking his famil (Jeremy - 4/4/2006 11:26:09 PM)
    "Attacking his family and calling him gay." -Addison

    Well, Mr. Addison, at least on this blog they are not afraid to use their real names.  You all can smear or attack (and you do) then jump back behind the curtain.  Grow up, and use your real name if you have something worth saying.



    Jerry and his family (JMS - 4/4/2006 11:26:09 PM)
    Jerry and his family aren't above the fray. They illustrate and elaborate on his overall weakness of character through their actions and his participation in their actions. His tacit endorsement of their more suspcicious and questionable methods of governance and administration makes them as much of an issue as his lousy record.


    Attacking his family (Not Addison - 4/4/2006 11:26:09 PM)
    Attacking his family and calling him gay.

    Never let it be said that Tim Kaine's friends and surrogates aren't focused on the issues!

    You continue to sink lower and lower.



    Darn, after all this (Jeremy - 4/4/2006 11:26:09 PM)
    Darn, after all this work?  I don't think "Raising Jerry Sue" will have the same ring. 

    We might be better served to set up a tribute site for Kilgore after the election called "Blue for Jerry Sue."



    Well, Lowell, when y (Tabitha - 4/4/2006 11:26:09 PM)
    Well, Lowell, when you put it that way, we don't have any choice! We don't want to be left behind when Jerry-Rama sweeps the nation!

    HILARIOUS! :-)